There’s not an alcoholic in the world who wants to be told what to do.
Alcoholics’ are sometimes described as egomaniacs with inferiority complexes.
Or, to be cruder, a piece of shit that the universe revolves around.
~Anthony Kiedis, Scar Tissue
THE POINT 2016
I don’t think I ever met someone without a conscious before, or so I had thought.
What if I told you I slept next to him for six years THEN I realized the conscious was absent and the heart was as black as the void of space. As vast and empty as the black hole itself.
Ask yourself why I say this…?
He, daddy – has a son, who thinks his daddy hung the stars and the moon. I think the only thing his son ever wanted, was to be consistently loved by his father.
And of course for daddy to be – sober. At least to be loved as much as his father loves drink and dope.
Every home son lived in with his father, daddy simply abandons him there – left him to his own resources so daddy could chase the only thing important to him, that high, that drunk – the dope boy on the block – and, other woman.
As the home with sons’ biological mother and father collapsed, due to dads new drinking game, “Keep doing shots until you’re divorced…” It was a series of other woman for his father to abandon him too, one after another, and another, and another.
One loss, after another, and another until, time passed so swiftly – as time seems to do. SO many years’ daddy stayed trashed – he missed his ONLY son’s ONLY youth AND that little boy became a man – with SO many scars and sources of pain… it was SO hard for me to keep up with them all.
So, I ask you this, is it no surprise that he was constructed JUST like I was and an addict too? It did not happen overnight my readers, I assure you he was built this way.
Since I am one of the houses daddy like to abandon his son too. I came to love son because God demanded that I do. I just walked him through a seventeen-day detox off of “benzos” methadone and suboxone. You want to know all I heard through those tender hours of detox from dear old dad? Money, and a whole lot of me me me me and – fuck him and fuck you.
I had to remind dads son that, “dads addictions are just as selfish and demanding…” and again, dad bailed because son would not give dad his – money, dad is far too busy with the dope boys and the crack whores or whatever always takes priority above – family.
I saw son yesterday, as fucked up as a fish sandwich… living on the streets of Bunnell, again. Because guess why…? Daddy left him standing in them – put him on the streets, essentially saying, pick a spot on the concrete – that’s your bed.
Why you ask…? Dad says son deserves it. Dad says he is done with junkies. I had to remind dad, “Wait a minute man – you and that boarding house crew have been smoking crack since FRIDAY! As a matter of fact, I JUST had the cops at your place, you just shoveled all of my shit off – to the local dope boy!”
Son showed up, again – SO fucked up we could not even let him in. As he nodded out on the concrete outside of our doors, all he would say between breathes to my daughter. “I’m going to kill myself. I can’t live like this – I want to be dead. I will cut my wrist; I will find a gun. I do not want to – live…” And he took off before we could get our hands on him again…
Guess what daddy said…? “I don’t care, he did not give ME his money. I do not give a fuck what he does ALL you fucking junkies and your pills. I do not care, guess when I wake up tomorrow he will finally be dead”. And daddy settled back down in the beer-cans he stuffed his whole life in.
So as I sit here and type praying son did not take his life and that he made it to the morning light. A very cruel life addiction can bring… Prayers my friends, and a whole lot of them. Prayers for ALL those still out there. Still hating the disease of addiction NOT the addict.