S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)

If the wounds on her heart
And the bruising of the soul
Were translated on her skin
You would not recognize her at all



Can you imagine my surprise – when I heard this man speak of his love for said, woman? It makes me throw-up in my mouth a little every time it creeps into my brain.

AND the ONLY word that came to my mind while I was telling my cousin about it ALL last-night is, “Desecrate. He desecrates her… pollutes her – it’s so sick, SO sick Carolyn!”

Even my cousin was sure THAT was the right word to describe the dirt that came with his love AND his name. But I went ahead and looked it up anyways and here is what it said – and what’s worse – it was a textbook fit.

  • des·e·crat·ed  – des·e·crat·ing – transitive verb
  • 1:  to violate the sanctity of:  profane
  • 2:  to treat disrespectfully, irreverently, outrageously

He is THAT kind of person that ONLY cares for himself, as a matter of fact – he loved himself SO much NO ONE else is quite good enough. The only thing that could hold a flame to his own ‘honey’ – came in the form of substance.

Yet he will cry to any passerby, because he always has his eye out for a ‘better ride’ OR to whoever responds to his Facebook walls, while he posts out to the public, begging for blow jobs. Or maybe on his adds in the ‘Casual Encounters’ where she was forced to see images of her husband tossing off on Craigslist! AND the add she found, seems the man who ran it had familiars with how it all ‘went down’.

All the same he likes to bellow how he is,” Just real tired of giving it all in everything, and being left with – nothing.”

What HE really should be saying is HE got exactly what he gave. And everything he did have went straight up his nose. Even the best crack-hoes reevaluate the situation when the money in ‘daddies’ wallet runs out…

In his dark heart built of lies and abuse, that ticks to the beat of a crawling, affectionate cock-roach  tic tic – tic tic deep in his chest it echoes out, the act of idolizing oneself – self-conceits or self-worship. The selfish nature of an addict who will not stop using.

Guess he did not realize he would NEVER find heaven in the hell he was ingesting and that his addictions are mutating, even into – sexual ones. Protecting ONLY those shadowy secrets – dope or drink or addictions can bring to their marriage.

Wrapped in all those lies he resonates to make himself feel better and to protect his ability of usage –  whatever drug of choice he ingests – right along with – anyone he has ever laid his hands on.

It’s so sad, because – he even desecrates the front of his children’s names. The same scene we here in, The Point – watched over and over for – too many seasons now. I guess the point my heart is struck with today during my writing exercise… it was to many seasons of, entirely – too long.

Here nor there, it is what it is, that’s how he RETURNED his love throughout not only that marriage, but all others before it – is by desecrating, mind, body and soul – all that the ‘she’ valued.

Her marital bed – demolished. Her children’s faces, betrayed. The new truth –  lies. Hope – dead. Her love of herself and the beauty she once saw in her family – given over to all forms of – exploitation.

What most do not know and I happen to know something of it, only because I have already been through something like this. Psychological invalidation is the most lethal form of emotional abuse – it kills confidence, creativity and individuality… and this dude, from what we ALL saw readers HE was the puppet master in that whole arena.

He beat her down with everything he had – violated her in so many ways – can you believe he even makes fun of her for once, being raped…?

And another horrible reality the woman never wanted to see – he could not and never will love her. The history of their time together has dictated the ugliest truths. Seconds, minute’s, days’ – hour’s, weeks’ and years – she was fed one vile action after another – followed shortly by EQUALLY vile behaviors… Saved up and bottled JUST for her. She became his personal whipping post AND his emotional punching bag, fuck – she was even his personal – ‘cum catch’.

AND he became her – living nightmare.

As a matter of fact, maybe I will end it right here – I will leave you with the words of his own wife – how she describes him, “The only time he shows up, is with his mouth open to be fed AND a swollen dick in one hand AND the other hand out to be sure to – ‘get his’.

“Followed by all the excuses why he has broken every promise he EVER made – even those promises made to my children.

“Then he will spit out all these other GREAT ideas, more broken promises we already know are WHOLE lies.

“Here is the reality of it I will have you know, he comes here for a day – plays the happy home life… gets everything he can get off anyone – fuck up everybody’s home life with the confusion and blackness he breathes – and walks away…

“Oh! AND that must be some good dope he is on tonight to tell him there is nothing wrong with him that this is all just – okay… That everyone of us were sacrificed so that junkie can – use…”