The light waded through the trenches of darkness, slithering, and sliding, echoing me being wet throughout its mirrored and appealing, seductive surface. You see all this time I have been waiting in a state of, longing – for it to release me of the night snares, with its gone eyes and blank stares.

A familiar strange, again, you and I meeting this way – your darkened eyes alongside the coming, sunrise. It’s hard to look at you, so bright – the light you exude aches my eyes. With a step back, you raise my chin. Our eyes lock briefly before I, turn.

Will I run?

Will I fight?

Who knows – I just might.

When you go out into the woods and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. Some of them are bent, some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are, whatever. And you look at the tree and allow it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light, and so it turned that way. When the light faded out again, it turned another way. It became crooked and, bent. And you don’t get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree.

The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. Don’t you think that is, strange? And you are constantly saying, “You’re to this” or “I’m to that.” That judging mind comes in. I wonder what would happen if we looked at people like, trees… Will we ever appreciate people for exactly what they are?

You’re going to meet people who are intimidated by you.

You’re different.

People don’t know how to react or how to accept people that don’t follow the crowd…

They are not use to someone who does not fit in – so instead of bolstering your uniqueness, they try to make you feel weird or, damaged.

I’m here to offer some well earned advice. Fuck them.

You probably thought I would not get this far

You thought I would end up living in the back of a car

You probably thought I would never escape

I’d be a rat in a cage

I’d be a slave to this place

You don’t know how hard I have fought to survive

Waking up alone when I was meant to die

You don’t know about this life I have lived

All the roads I have walked

All the tears I have bled

People know my name

But they don’t know the story

Their opinions carry little weight with me

I’m not the same soul I once was

A lot has changed

A lot had to change

So, you should not expect out of me what I embodied in the past

Because I have found impossible was God’s specialty

I am learning to love the sound of my feet

Walking away from things not meant for me.

And, letting the light from the bridges I burn illuminate my new way.

Once upon a time

Somewhere along the way

My soul got lost and

My spirit ran away

It was so long ago but

I remember it so well

My downward spiral

Descending into hell

Once upon a time

Somewhere along the way

I woke up to myself and

I knew I had to change

I knew I had

I knew I had

I knew I had to change

Here I am today happy healthy clean

Grateful for the light it got me

Where I’m meant to be

Where I’m meant to

Where I’m meant to

Where I am meant to be

I AM YOUR DISEASE

Allow me to introduce myself, sly, unsolved and controlling. AND, I am exactly what they say I am, “cunning, baffling and powerful”, that’s me. I am the disease of, addiction. AND to all that come into contact with me, I wish you dead.

I love to catch you with the element of surprise. I love pretending I am your friend or, lover. Don’t you remember, I whispered to you, “I have given you comfort, have I not? Wasn’t I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn’t you call me…?”

That’s right – and, I was there.

With my sadistic nature, I let you see my face. I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love to make you so numb you can neither hurt nor cry. AND, when you can’t feel anything at all; this is true magnificence. ALL of this you were “okay” with.

When things were not going right in your life, you invited me right in. I gave you instant gratifications, and all that I ask of you is – long-term misery. You said you did not deserve these wholesome things, and I was the only one who would agree with you! But, together, we were able to destroy it all. And I was the only one strong enough to stand with you through it!

Yes, I am your hated disease, and yet, I do not come uninvited. You chose to have me. As my work will speak for itself, so many have chosen me over – peace serenity and, reality. And yet, people don’t take me seriously. They take strokes, heart attaches, even diabetes they take, seriously. Fools they are, they do not know that without my help, many of these things would not even be made, possible. On this subject I feel a little unappreciated!

Oh, and I got a secret for you. Although, more than you hate me – I hate all of you. When you gather around your, twelve-steps, that I would rather drag you down. And your meetings, with your Higher Power, that’s the best you got to weaken me…? To cage me within, trinity – so I can’t function in a manner I am habituate to?

You living? Me, only existing? So, that’s how it is. I must lie here, quietly. You won’t see me, but I will be growing, grander than ever – I am here. And, until we meet again IF we meet again, I wish you only one thing. I wish you dead.